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Have You Ever...- 9-12-07

Had to Move Back Home After Graduation?

By ChaChanna Simpson

Now that the excitement of graduating has worn off, you may be in the real situation of moving back home. Or you could’ve been lucky enough or smart enough to have saved enough money to move out on your own. For the rest of you, that may not be an option. Back to ya parents’ house you go. For some, it may not be a bad thing and if you are one of those chosen few: I’m really jealous. Moving back home was no easy thing for me to do. So this issue will deal with those who are not so excited about moving back home.

Moving back home in general is a life changing adjustment because you were on campus for four years doing whatever you pleased, when you pleased and exactly how you pleased. Some of you were probably miles and miles away from home. Your parents had no idea what you were doing and they probably didn’t want to know. This, no doubt, worked out because as long as they didn’t know they couldn’t worry about you or most importantly, stop you. You had complete freedom.

For some of you, moving back home means that freedom is over. To your parents, you are still the same teenager who left from under their wing four years ago. In fact, to your parents you are their little precious baby and you may never grow up in their eyes.

During my freshman year in college, I decided I wasn’t going to move back home after graduation. But what I neglected to do was plan and save my money. Then when May of 2000 came around and I was to graduate, I had no money stashed away and had to move back home. This was not an easy transition for me. Before I left for college, my mother and I got along fine because I was a different person then. She was used to me doing, thinking and following everything she did. But when I went away to college my mind was opened to new ideas. I developed my own opinions and grew into my own person and it was great. I came and went as I pleased and brought that back home with me. She wasn’t having it. After 10 months, she kicked me out.

I hope to be able to prevent that from happening to you. So that is why I strongly suggest you and your parents talk about everything before you move back in.

What are the expectations?
During the negotiation period it is crucial to establish the parameters of the living arrangements and how long you plan to stay: a few days, weeks, months or years? How are you expected to contribute to the household? Are you are required to pay rent and utilities? And if you are it is important that you don’t agree on an amount that you can’t afford or that will strain your budget. It wouldn’t make sense if you have to tell your parents at the end of the month you don’t have enough money to meet your obligations. This will not inspire respect for you as an adult, which is what you want to accomplish.

Other questions to ask are: How are you supposed to get fed? Are you expected to buy your own food? Will you be able to use the family car, and if you do, will you have to chip in for the insurance and car payment? Oh a hot topic: are you allowed to have overnight guests? What is the policy on that?

You will definitely need to discuss if there is a curfew. I know it sounds crazy; at college you were coming and going as you pleased but that is all changed now. You have someone paying attention to where you are going and when you are coming back. And it’s not because they are trying to control your world, they’re parents and they worry about you. In the event you went missing, they would have to be able to know where to start looking for you.

Privacy
This is going to be hard to come by, especially if you have siblings. They might want to bother you just because they can. I’m not sure how you can really stop them. They have a natural talent for sensing when you want to be alone and that’s when they come around. Even when you move out they will still come over and keep you from sleeping by rambling on about absolutely nothing and eating up your food. And believe me, they know they are getting on your nerves…but that could just me my situation with my annoying younger brother.

Leah and Elina Furman, authors of The Everything After College Book: Real World Advice for Surviving on Your Own (© 1998 Adams Media Corporation), suggest 1.) pretend you’re not home by leaving a note saying you’re out, then find a quiet place to hide until you’re ready to be found; 2.) keep the mini fridge you had in college and put it in your room stacked with the essentials so you don’t have to go out of your room and remind people you are home; or 3.) put a “Do Not Disturb” tag on your door knob.

All in all, there is no foolproof plan on how to survive living at home. All you can do is make the best of it. Think of it this way. You get to save money. And take it from me, you may never have the opportunity to save as much money as you do when you live at home. Instead of spending your money going to bar every week or expensive clothes, save it. I wish I had.

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