“We cannot control the parade of negative thoughts marching through our minds. But we can choose which ones we will give our attention to. Picture your thoughts as people passing by the front of your home. Just because they’re walking by doesn’t mean you have to invite them in.” –Gladys Edmunds
While I was in coach training class, a colleague shared this quote with the group. It came at the perfect time for me. My mind was fixated on a particular conversation I had had with someone that really upset me. I kept replaying the incident in my mind and getting more and more upset. (Have you ever done that? You are essentially driving yourself crazy.) And, when I saw this quote, I had an internal conversation with myself. (I have many internal and external conversations with myself. Again, stop with the judging!):
Me: ChaChanna, why are you torturing yourself?
Me too!: What do you mean? Can you believe they said that? The nerve! I do wish I had said something smarter instead of what I originally said. That would have made them shut up–
Me: Stop it! There is nothing you can do about that. It’s in the past and you are ruining the rest of your day focusing on something you can’t change.
Me too!: Yeah, I guess you have a point but I’m still mad about it.
Me: And that’s fine. It’s natural to be upset when someone does something that is upsetting to us. But, how much more time are you going to waste thinking about this?
Me too!: Oh, ChaChanna! That is a stellar question! Okay, let’s think of what I can learn from this experience so I can move on.
That’s just a summary of the conversation but you get the jist of it.
It is natural to get annoyed when we feel people are doing things that violate our beliefs or we feel threatened or disrespected by. But, you have a choice in how you react and how you feel about it.
The next time a conversation doesn’t go the way you’d like or someone does something that you don’t agree with, try to stop and take a breath first, before you decide how or if you are going to respond. You know there are people in your life who do things just so they can get a reaction from you. And, as soon as they do it, right on cue, you react the same way. Ask yourself why you feel you HAVE to react that way when they do something? Obviously, that is not working to stop them from doing it. What would happen if you decided that it wasn’t that important to react the same way. What would happen if you chose not to react at all? That would ruin their little joy and control over you.
When have you changed the way you usually respond to someone or something and gotten a better result? Go ahead and share your thoughts in the comments. I’d also love to know I am not the only one who has conversations with herself.
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