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The 4 Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts Ever

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February 3, 2011

in Relationships

Men, Valentine’s Day is upon us again, rapidly approaching with its death knell ringing in the February wind. We all know this day is special to the women in our lives, even if we don’t understand why. We say, “I love you”; we pay for dinner; we even sit through Pride and Prejudice, what more do they want? Apparently more. So, it comes upon us once again to express our love and devotion in increasingly public and embarrassing ways. If you’re smart, you’ll just stick to jewelry, candy, flowers, and maybe the odd teddy bear. If you’re not smart, you’ll probably buy one of these.

1) Fitness Equipment

Nothing says “Honey, those Christmas cookies went right to your thighs” like a StairMaster, treadmill, or elliptical machine. I know she’s always saying she wants to lose a few more pounds, but she doesn’t want to hear it from you. And she certainly doesn’t want it wrapped up and delivered to her on the day you’re supposed to be saying, “You are the hottest woman ever—why would I even look at another woman?”

2) Cleaning Supplies

Yes, she wants a little more help around the house. And, yes, she wants to be able to clean the kitchen faster. But this is not the way to help her do those things. Vacuum cleaners are a great gift for early spring, just when she’s thinking of getting rid of all the winter clutter. And mops are best suited to the fall, when she wants to make sure the house looks good before the holidays. Get either one of these—or any related cleaning product—for Valentine’s Day and you’ll be using it as a blanket while you’re sleeping on the couch.

3) Two Tickets to That Thing YOU Love

Your woman wants to spend time with you on Valentine’s Day, but she probably doesn’t want to spend it at a comic book convention, boat show, or monster truck rally. If any of these items are on your list of awesome things to do on February 14th, make a new list. Find out what she wants to do and do it with her—even if that means going to a Gwyneth Paltrow movie.

4) Clothes That Don’t Fit Her

You know what? You should probably just avoid buying clothes altogether. If you can’t get the size exactly right, you’re a dead man either way. If the clothes don’t fit, she’ll get depressed because she thinks she’s fat. If the clothes are too big, she’ll blame you for thinking she’s fat. Either way it’s a big fat mess.

Okay, guys. Again, this isn’t about something YOU want for Valentine’s Day. She just wants to feel loved, appreciated, and beautiful, which is more suited to a nice romantic dinner and talking about her feelings. Valentine’s Day is a day for women. Forget yourself and you’ll be a lot better off. I know what you’re thinking: “But what about me? What do I get?” Here’s a secret: If you give her exactly what she wants for Valentine’s Day, you might get a little something in return.

About the author: Diane Johnson primarily writes about online courses, holidays, and anything else that interests her. She enjoys traveling, reading, sledding, and sports.

  • Aubrey Mo

    Worst gift I ever got was NOTHING at all. No card. No “Happy Valentines Day!” or “I love you”. It’s like the day didn’t even happen. To top it off, I took us out to eat, picked up the tab, and gave him a gift!

  • ChaChanna Simpson

    Oh, wow! That doesn’t seem fair at all. I’ve only gotten a card, the day after. I do know someone who got a mop for a gift, in that case, I would have preferred nothing.

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